Phases

(*Warning: Long and existential with a flair of self-importance)

Naturally, my adult life  thus far (post-university) can be categorized into two phases: pre-baby and post-baby.

Pre-Geneva when I was only responsible for myself, my job, and 1/2 of a house and marriage (and obviously other relationships, etc.)

Post-Geneva where my baby girl has taken top priority over myself, my job, the house, and even my marriage and other relationships.

The problem with all this is that even though I have a new number one, there are still relationships and practical elements that deserve attention and care.  In fact, these other relationships and duties/responsibilities are so important that, if not cared for, threaten my very ability to be a good mother to Geneva. 

This first year of adding a baby into the mix has left me feeling exhausted and ineffective as I try (and FAIL!) to maintain the level of attention and care to my other loves and responsibilities.  While on one hand I have been treasuring every smile and milestone, I have been counting down the days until work ended for the summer (with more desperation than ever) just so that I have more time to give away to others and other important things.  When, early in the year, I began to dread weekends and feel exhausted and strung out at the end of every.single.day because of the harried pace and endless chores and “to dos,” I knew something was not right.

So, there: A breaking point.  Something.has.to.give.  It was either my job, the house, or mine and my family’s physical and nutritional health.  The most obvious of these for me is to “let go” of working full-time.

So, maybe “phase 2” was actually a transition into the less-stressed out, more effective person that I want to be.  Working part-time, I will have more time with Geneva and more time to enjoy other relationships and accomplish other pursuits- All while still putting to use my educational and professional experience.

One of the biggest motivators at this point is not wanting to look back years from now and regretting either missing or wishing away these wonderful years with Geneva.

God has been good to us and I am blessed over and over, now I will be able to better appreciate and realize these gifts.

 

**The Fine Print:

1. I have a wonderful husband who supports and encourages me and, as equally as he can, shares the responsibilities of household chores, child care, and even other idiotic things I get us into, like babysitting for friends’ children and running a weekly activity table at the Farmers’ Market.

2. I have a job where part-time work is often an option. I will not have benefits, but I can refer back to praise for my husband and his job for this.

3. I have the most wonderful family and friends, to whom I have not been able to give even a fraction of the attention they deserve. 

4. I am admittedly more obsessive than most about nutrition, exercise, and cleanliness, rendering me completely neurotic.